Settling Vs Waiting

By Posted on 24/07/2015
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This issue is something I see my peers struggling with – should they just settle with a person or should they wait out for the right one to come along? And most importantly, what is considered the “right one”?

This simple decision made at an early juncture of our lives could have greater repercussions in our futures – so what is the better option, if there is any?

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This issue is something I see my peers struggling with – should they just settle with a person or should they wait out for the right one to come along? And most importantly, what is considered the “right one”?

This simple decision made at an early juncture of our lives could have greater repercussions in our futures – so what is the better option, if there is any?

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Posted on 29/10/2015

All I can say is… if they are with the right one now, they wouldn’t even have such worries whether he/she is the right one or not!

FYI, these are the stages to a relationship:

– The Romance Stage (Honeymoon period lah…)
– The Power Struggle Stage (The understanding each other better, aka the make or break stage)
– The Stability Stage (where you accept each other’s good and bad)
– The Commitment Stage (sign and sealed :P)
– The Co-Creation or Bliss Stage (being comfortable & making plans for the rest of your lives together)

Every level is a test and if they can pass all (esp the first 3 stages), congrats to them!! :)

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Posted on 29/07/2015

Hi AKTF,

So, are your friends still settling or waiting?

What do you think about Enlargingborders’ (wow mouthful) comment?

As stated by Enlargingborders’ comment and yours as well, core values definitely seem to be the deal breaker. However, I feel that my friends are still figuring out themselves, which is possibly the reason why they are confused about their love lives (one needs to be certain about their own life before entangling themselves with another person’s life)

Thanks for both of your insights! Hope to hear from more people on their views and experience regarding this as well :)

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Posted on 28/07/2015

Hi AKTF,

So, are your friends still settling or waiting?

What do you think about Enlargingborders’ (wow mouthful) comment?

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Posted on 24/07/2015

Hahaha, the million dollar question!

But looks like your friends are unsure about their existing relationship and therefore the question on waiting for the ‘right one’.

Personally, I feel that you will know when the Right One has arrived. Fate will answer the question on whether it would ever come. So in the meantime, just be open and make friends. This is one good way of finding out or affirming your “Right One”.

It’s good to start off as friends. When you do find one that you think is the right person, find opportunity to interact. Maybe not as a date first (you will frighten off the person if they r not interested in you), but casual conversation, doing things together or going out in group etc. As the days/weeks/months go by, you see mutual interest and affections through each other’s interactions and maybe, just maybe, that’s when you could consider the question “Is he/she the Right One?”

Who is the right one?
Well, one that accepts who you are, share your values, and when your heart starts beating that extra beats hehe. Some ask if it must be of the same personalty (some say good to be different). Personally, this is not the right question to ask if he/she is the right one? Because love covers gaps and breaks all barriers. Love encompasses everything :) the short of it is, You will know when He/She comes!!!! And you will know it when both start to look out for each other and willing to make that extra effort to compromise etc.

All the best!

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Posted on 24/07/2015

Hmm, in a way my answer falls kind of between the two, or maybe represents a third option:

– Personally, I feel like no one’s “better” or “worse” than anyone else, and “settling” is not so much about dating someone who’s not as good/desirable as you are, but rather cheating yourself and the other person because you enter a relationship (and continue it) already knowing that you two aren’t really a good fit, and that most likely it won’t work out in the end (but you’re already tired of waiting so you do it anyway). Whatever do I mean by a good “fit”? Sharing core life values and goals, as well as preferences and priorities in relationships; maybe having a few interests in common; and the ability to mutually respect, value and teach/learn from one another throughout your relationship.

-I also think that there is no single “right one”. For each one of us, there are multiple people we will meet over a lifetime who we could date/marry and have a healthy, fulfilling relationship with. Multiple people who would make a good “fit”. I think the key is to not have unrealistic standards and expect your significant other to be perfect or close to perfect. We all have our flaws, right? Maybe he/she has habits that annoy you at times, or maybe he/she isn’t as dashing or charming or athletic or musically talented as you always dreamed your lover would be, but if the most important things match up, then I would say go for it. Even the best relationships take lots of work and lots of grace.

Hope this helps! Just a few more considerations to think about. :)

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